Psych Paper Essay Example For Students

Psych Paper Essay My Mom and Dad were divorced when I was one. Dad actually managed to sexually abuse me before the divorce. Karen and Janet, my two older sisters and I went to Dads on Sundays where we had breakfast. We listened only to classical music, which we hated probably because it was Dad. We did not like him too much, he was different. I had no idea until after he was murdered that he was gay. Well, looking back he was flamboyant, wearing scarves and brooches. He was a gourmet cook and prided himself in the feasts he made for us. My favorite was the crepes drenched in butter and cinnamon sugar. He kept house meticulously, which mirrored his career, a famous art restorer. I never told him I loved him. We had an emotionally distant co-existence. One thing I have held dear like the person in Living through Personal Crisis by Dr. Ann Kaiser Stearns who saved all the clothes of their loved one is a small crystal Easter egg that he gave to me one Easter. It is a symbol of his love, and my valuing it. Mostly, he showed his love through things and outings to plays and musical recitals. Those times were sometimes fun sometimes tedious. But today, I have come to enjoy these types of cultural events. They have helped to shape who I am today. How do you grieve someone you hardly knew, but who is supposed to mean so much I have postponed the grief some what through alcohol and drug use and avoidance. He did mean something to me because when we came home from school, in seventh grade, that day in January, I was shocked when Mom declared, youre father is dead. What do you mean?! What happened?! What do you mean hes dead?! Then the tears started to come and the oh my Gods- the utter shock. They told me it was a burglary but that is not what happened. The truth was withheld from me. He was actually taking advantage of two young male prostitutes. Risky behavior, thats for sure. What do you mean male?! What do you mean prostitutes?! I was humiliated! It was years later that I got this news. The whole scene was embarrassing. I thought everyone knew from the newspaper but the whole story was not in the newspaper due to plea bargaining. Back to the seventh grade when this occurred, I was supposed to give a speech dressed as Pocohontas in social studies. Needless to say I missed that one, and subsequently almost failed out of McDonogh that semester. People really dont give enough time for grieving in this society. I needed more time. You would not believe how many times I heard Im sorry from acquaintances at school. It was too much. It did not help me at all to feel better. No one knew how to listen or even wanted to listen. One girl did ask me how many times he was stabbed. That was really ignorant. I would not have known what to say if someone had listened. But Im sorry is really useless in helping a person in mourning. Not having any close friends during this time caused me to push my anger down. This began years or depression and suicidal thoughts. An awful lot can happen when one does not deal with pain and loss. My best friend, Ramsey and I did not even talk about the loss of my Dad. However I did find one coping mechanism to further lengthen my grief. It was alcohol. My first drink was with Ramsey at her grandmothers house. It was sweet white wine from my Dads wine seller. I had no empathic friends at this time in my life, to route for me and help me to talk about my feelings. In middle school, who really has that anyway? It seems that no one I knew talked about problems, nor supported each other except the cheerleaders!The importance of empathic friends in my life today is priceless. I would not do without the recognition of growth, warmth and affection, the reminders of strengths, and the respect of my courage and sense of determination along with all the other goodies that come from such a f riend. I have also tried to be this kind of friend. I have discontinued those destructive relationships from my drinking and drugging days. Those days brought me nothing but being able to avoid my grief. Another two forms of self-love I use now are first, a technique I learned from my therapist, looking in the mirror and having forgiveness and love for myself, and telling myself I love myself (looking deep within my eyes.) Also, I masturbate when I feel so inclined and do not feel guilty about it. It comforts me now as it did when I was younger. Hamlet Analyzed According To Aristotles Six Elements Of Tragedy EssayNow the parental trait or reason or reason why my Mom was oversubmissive was because of my Dad being so strict and because of the sexual abuse. She was always trying to make up for that. She would buy us things and take us places impulsively. Her parents were not especially strict except her Mom. I think her Mom belittled her as a child a lot. I must get control of my tendency to be generous to a fault, which I am. Also, I must make myself do what said I would do. This I am doing too. I must be getting better. My tendency to form close relationships quickly and easily and just as easily move on to someone else is really hard to see about myself. I must maintain the friendships I have and learn not to get scared that they will leave first. That has always been my fear. How to deal with it is by making myself my ideal parent for myself: reasonable; fair; loving; and firm. I have to set limits. I know from past experience that I cannot drink one beer. I would have to go out and have five more, so I set limits by not having any. That way I do not get in trouble. I also go to AA, where I learn the spiritual skills to set that limit. I compromise with my sister. When she has an idea, I go with it. This all takes self-honesty and being considerate with other people. I limit time I spend with other impulsive people. I will have to try treating myself when I do not give in to my impulsivity. I do have a certain amount of discernment that helps me read between the lines and trust my intuitionNeglect is the other parental attitude that I relate to. The adult traits are staying in destructive. I have stayed in relationships with depressed people too much in my past. One boyfriend dove into a wall because he was in a rage. I stayed with him for months after th at. I also have had low self-esteem especially when coming down from a manic high. That is the worst, because I feel on top of the world then plummet into depression and low self-esteem. That happened just in November of last year, but I am getting better. I have always been somewhat of a loner. In middle school that was the hardest because my Dad died and there was no one to talk to about it. I used to steal things when I had the money to pay for them. That lasted quite a while. I guess I thought that would fill my emptiness plus it was a thrill to not get caught. The circumstances of childhood began with my Dad being a drug abuser. He took me to California to visit my aunt and cousins when I was ten. Well, we were all sitting in the sauna and my cousin started rolling a joint. So my Dad was sitting next to me and passed me the joint. I said, NO! He then said, Nothing will hurt you if you only try it once. I left saying, NO! Then my Dad being murdered when I was twelve, as I wrote before. I also witnessed my middle sister getting caught shoplifting when I was young. My Mom had to pick her up from the police station. Whew I would not have wanted to be her!My parents divorce is another circumstance of neglect. They were bitter with each other, especially my Mom, probably because of the sexual abuse. Finally, my Mom has always been troubled about money. She has plenty of money, yet she is still troubled about it. She always tells me to save money because I am not too good at saving. Coming from neglect, I yearn for closeness and intimacy but am afraid of getting hurt. Usually I get out of the relationship first. Also in relationships I have that come close/get away sentiment. I have ambivalence about relationships. What does help me is professional help. I do not know what I would do without a therapist and a psychiatrist. They help immensely. Self-care habits also help. Eating healthy foods, sleeping enough, interest in activities, all these help. I have built some of a surrogate family but my family of origin is still very loving and kind. The concept of self-love is apparent in both Dr. Stearns book and Hugh Missildines concepts. These two authors have really helped me to see where I can improve myself and get beyond my loss and the two people who raised me. There is no way under it, around it or over it, we have to go through it to see ourselves clearly. These two authors have helped me to see more clearly my life and ways to change my dysfunctional ways to functional ways of dealing with life and growing.